Behind the Brave Face: The Questions New Dads Don’t Always Ask Out Loud
Becoming a father is a life-changing experience like no other, which can bring a mix of emotions from excitement and joy to anxiety. So much attention is given to the experience of mothers, but the emotional and mental health challenges faced by first-time fathers are often overlooked. A lot of dads have questions but feel pressure to appear strong and capable, so they stay quiet. If you’re a new dad and you feel this way, remember you aren’t alone!
The Silent Worries
It’s normal as a new dad to have concerns. Even if you haven’t heard other dads expressing worry, that doesn’t mean they aren’t just putting on a brave face. Dads need support too. Some common concerns include:
“Am I doing this right?”
Watching your newborn struggle to sleep, feed, or simply cry can leave fathers feeling helpless. When women express these doubts, it’s often seen as more socially acceptable in society, but too many dads feel like they need to “figure it out” alone. It’s very easy to be self-critical if something doesn’t go as you thought it would. Remember, there isn’t a singular right way to be a father, but asking this question shows you care. You aren’t given an instruction manual on how to be a father; a lot of it is about trying and learning.
“Will I Bond With My Baby?”
Some people think bonding will be instant, but find that it doesn’t happen instantly. Some fathers worry when they don’t feel an immediate connection, creating feelings of guilt and self-doubt. Some dads struggle with having short paternity leave, as they feel it gives them less time to bond with their baby. It’s important to remember that bonding can develop over time, sometimes weeks or even months.
“At first, I didn’t feel the connection I expected, and it made me very stressed. But over time, little moments, like holding her and seeing her smile, made me feel like I was finally feeling that father-daughter bond” - Anonymous, age 32.
“How Do I Support My Partner Without Losing Myself?”
New fathers may feel pressure to be constantly available for their partner and put their own needs aside. This pressure can be intensified by short paternity leave, which forces them to juggle work, family responsibilities, and their personal life all at once. Of course, supporting your partner is important, but ignoring your own well-being and disregarding self-care can lead to stress and isolation. This doesn’t make you selfish; looking after yourself is key to avoiding burnout.
“Am I Allowed to Feel Anxious or Overwhelmed?”
Although societal views are shifting, there’s still a stigma that men should be strong and mask their worries. However, feeling anxious or overwhelmed is completely normal, and several new dads experience it. You’re allowed to feel this way!
“I couldn’t understand why all my friends were confident parents, but I felt extremely overwhelmed. It wasn’t until I had a conversation with a close friend who had a similar experience that I realised I wasn’t alone” Anonymous, age 28.
The Emotional Side of the Journey to Fatherhood
For many men, the journey to becoming a father begins a long time before their baby arrives. Fertility challenges are common, and navigating treatments can bring stress, uncertainty, and feelings of isolation. Fertility clinics can play an important role, not just in helping couples conceive, but in supporting the mental health of both partners. In fact, in the UK, it’s a legal requirement for all fertility clinics to offer counselling to patients.
Recognising that parenthood is both an emotional and practical journey can make the transition feel smoother. Fathers who feel both informed and emotionally supported during this stage often enter parenthood with more confidence.
The Importance of Open Conversations
Letting emotions build up can affect mental health and impact the relationships you have with the people around you. Open conversations can lift a weight off your shoulders, because holding so much inside can feel very overwhelming and stressful. Talking to people you trust, whether that’s family or a professional, can make a world of difference. You might say something like “I’m not sure how to handle (specific situation), I wondered if you had any advice.”
Ardrossan Beach walk for Dads and Children
Remember to Be Kind to Yourself
Start by normalising your experience; other fathers struggle too. Behind the smiles and the happy social media photos, new dads often wrestle with questions that go unspoken. At Dads Rock, we provide dads and families with the tools they need to give their child the best possible start in life. Lots of dads feel that existing parenting support systems focus only on mums, but we want Dads to be equal when it comes to raising children. We run dad groups, workshops, dad trips, and much more. Take a look at our website to find out more about what we do and how we can support you.
With thanks to our guest writer: Rosie Buckley - Freelance writer and blogger