A New Baby - An Emotional Time - First posted 24th April 2016
My son has always felt like a blessing. One reason was due to being told it may take longer for me to have children, and another being that he is and has been a great boy. Don't get me wrong there have been moments when I've wondered what I did wrong (as if it's that black and white) for him to act in a certain way, but for the vast majority of the time he is a true pleasure to be with and it's an honour to be his father, and when I think of him I'm full of pride. He is caring, thoughtful, fun to be with and most of all loving.
My wife and I suffered a miscarriage last year, it was truly awful. I wrote about my pain at the time, you can read more about it here: Gone Baby
Both me and my wife talked and talked about whether we would try again for another baby or accept that one beautiful boy was good enough for us. It was one of those conversations that went on forever and had different outcomes every time.
Time went on and it came as a surprise recently to learn of a new pregnancy. To be honest, my initial thought was 'keep calm, we've been here before'. Self-preservation and control kicked in. First time round when we found out my wife was pregnant with my son we were over the moon, excited and so hopeful, we knew nothing of what could go wrong and it felt good. This time round with the bruises of the miscarriage still present we were cautious.
I hoped and wanted so much for this baby to be strong, but I didn't want to give it all my love, I told myself to hold back just in case. Then I felt guilty for not believing in the baby enough. I knew this baby would be loved by us both and we'd want to protect it and help them grow and get stronger, but I knew we would need to wait. What happened next was out with our control.
The fantastic news is that this baby is strong and a real fighter, this was evident when we went to the 12 week scan and the sonographer said 'we've a right drama queen on our hands here with all the moving around'. Little did the sonographer know this was such a positive for us, and opposite from last time we were in that room staring through the mist of the Ultrasound. It was scary to see the baby on-screen, when last time the baby hadn't grown as expected. This time round this baby is doing just fine, in fact baby is doing great and it felt like another blessing.
We've now been brave enough to tell friends and family, including our 7 year old son. We didn't know how he'd react, and it's been heart-warming to see him so excited about it. He has had some amazing questions.
So far he's asked about where the baby's food comes from, where the baby will sleep, and reminding us we'll need to keep those washing machine tablets away from the baby. He's also been concerned about whether his toys will be trashed. Tonight he asked how we can help teach the baby to walk, when the time is right, and he said we could all be there to help the baby.
His main overall approach has been one of excitement and he has made us proud by how interested and involved he's been with it. First time round it was my wife and I having a child. This time round it's the three of us welcoming another baby into our family and our son is an integral part of that. Well done to him for stamping his claim to being big brother. All children are a blessing, the love and caring they show is a real eye opener and perhaps we all need to take a moment to listen more to our children.